


same sweet shock

by thishazeleyeddemon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam in the Green Room: 👀, Anxiety, Bisexual Adam Milligan, Consensual Possession, Demisexuality, Emotionally Repressed, Enthusiastic Consent, First Time, Human/Monster Romance, Light Angst, M/M, Michael holding sexual attraction out from him with a stick: ADAM WHAT'S THIS, Mutual Masturbation, Oblivious Michael, This is just demisexual Michael: the fic, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved Sexual Tension, because Michael's not omniscient, happy valentine's day, he's not dumb. just holding his own feelings away from him with a stick, important distinction, sghsj. can't stop feeling awkward with tags like that lmaooo, that's not the demisexuality that's why he doesn't realize he's demisexual, yes that's a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29452329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishazeleyeddemon/pseuds/thishazeleyeddemon
Summary: I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we'd doSo I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you- Talk, HozierMichael's got some concerns. If only he'd talk to Adam about them.
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	same sweet shock

**Author's Note:**

> i was legit like.....how might Michael come to realize he's interested in sex anyway, because I don't think Adam would bring it up? and then this happened
> 
> also hey. I'm not demisexual. if you're demi and anything here feels strikingly wrong let me know please

Michael was having some…well, he wasn't sure what to call it.

 _Problem_ seemed too strong a way to put it; he wasn't sure that there was even anything wrong. _Difficulty, issue…_ none of these seemed quite right. Concern, maybe?

He tried it out in his head. He was having some _concerns._

That worked. Alright.

If he knew what this was, it could be easier. If he had any clue _at all,_ it would be easier. He didn't even know if this was an _emotion,_ technically. He could always be sick, or something. Granted he wasn't supposed to be able to get sick, and he hadn't in the past fourteen billion years, but hey, there was always room for something new, right?

It had started - or he'd noticed it for the first time - about a month ago.

They'd been in a diner - Adam had some vague idea of trying to go to every single one in the United States - late at night. It had a quiet kind of atmosphere - besides two women talking in low voices in the corner and a man on, by Michael's count, his third glass of alcohol in the past forty minutes, there was no one else there but them. The waitress had barely blinked at the amount of food Adam had ordered, which Michael appreciated.

Michael and Adam hadn't been talking that much. They didn't always - they found it easy to sit in silence with each other, just enjoying the light of each other's company.

Adam swallowed the last of the crust of his pizza.

"I still don't know how you like that," Michael commented.

Adam snorted. "What's not to like about a good pizza?" He grinned, eyes bright in the shadows of the diner. Michael found himself smiling back without even thinking about it.

"Chewing, mostly," Michael answered promptly. His smile widened when Adam laughed. He had a nice laugh, loud and bright and cheerful.

"I still think you could get used to it if you tried," Adam told him, voice lightly teasing. His soul shifted and chimed with his different emotions. Right now, it was like…golden bubbles. drifting around Michael's Grace like light.

Michael brushed against him gently and said, "That would require doing it in the first place, though."

Adam had laughed again, giggles that made his shoulders shake. It was the kind of mood they usually had between them, light and gentle and well, fun. It was fun to talk to Adam, fun to explore the world with him, fun to even just sit in diners to talk. It was fun, and comfortable, like a blanket laid over their shoulders.

"More for me, then," Adam smiled. He looked around before seeming to remember that no one could really see what he was doing with Michael's perception filter up and stuck his fingers in his mouth, licking off the remaining grease from the pizza before reaching for his glass of Diet Coke. "They have really good pizza here, so I'm not complaining."

Michael was a master of self-control. He recovered his equilibrium in a few moments and nodded. "I'll add this place to the list, then."

Adam gave him an odd look. He must have heard something odd in Michael's voice, felt something strange in his Grace. "Michael?"

Michael shook his head. "I'm fine." He pushed reassurance to Adam - _it's okay, it's okay. I'm fine, really._

Adam eyed him carefully, but moved on. _I trust you,_ his soul whispered back. "Alright. So I was thinking…"

They moved on from then, talking about everything and nothing, places they wanted to visit, things they could learn, activities to try. It was easy to talk to Adam as always, easy to be lulled back into that comfortable familiarity with someone he knew as if they were two halves of one person.

It wasn't until later, when they'd found an open hotel room to sleep in and Adam had dropped off into the quiet buzz of sleep, that Michael let himself think about what he'd felt.

What _was_ it? He'd never felt anything like this before…that he had noticed. He could admit his sense of his own feelings was a little bit weak still, it was possible he had and not noticed. But what _was_ it?

He'd watched Adam eat before. He'd heard him eat too, even. He shouldn't have found anything there remarkable, but there was something…

He dragged his hands down their face. What was he going to do? What _was_ that feeling? It was like a rush of warmth, like something had gone through and lit him up from the inside. He'd…he didn't know what he'd wanted, it had just felt for a moment that he did.

Stars, what _was_ this? Was he hurt? Was he sick? That seemed like it should be improbable, and yet - well. And yet. Maybe he could get sick and had just never encountered the right conditions for it before.

It was not like he'd spent a lot of time on Earth, before.

He took a deep breath, focusing on the push of air through their lungs. It was a calming sensation, somehow, grounding despite the fact that he didn't need to breathe to live. It made him feel more in-sync with Adam, more in-sync with the world he'd chosen, more real.

Maybe it wouldn't come back, he thought hopefully. Maybe it was a one-off thing. Maybe he didn't need to pay attention to it. Maybe Adam wouldn't ever notice. Maybe it would just disappear.

—

It had not disappeared.

It was everywhere too, now that he'd noticed it - or well, not everywhere. Not anywhere at all, in fact, but Adam. Now that he'd noticed it he didn't seem able to _stop._

It wasn't just when Adam did things like lick his fingers, of course. When they walked down a street in Tokyo and Adam reached over to hold Michael's hand, a totally casual gesture of closeness that they did _all the time_ , Michael nearly jumped - he'd been the one in control of their body at the time, and for some inconceivable reason the nerves in his hand had been alive like he's stuck his hand in a lightning bolt, lit-up and humming. It was a testament to his self-control that he hadn't yanked his hand out of his, that he'd managed to cover his sudden distress as simply being lost in thought.

They'd been on a beach in South America, splashing around in the water looking for interesting creatures. Adam had turned to Michael, laughing, his hair water-dark and plastered to his forehead _,_ absolutely soaking wet, and Michael had wanted - _something._ He'd wanted to be closer (although he usually wanted that, but this was _different),_ he'd wanted…something. Something he didn't understand, so what he'd done instead was send a wave of water to splash down on Adam's head.

There had been that time too when Adam had hugged him, and inside he'd reached for Michael with his soul too, golden light stretching forward and around and through Michael, soft and bright as the dawn, and despite the fact that they did this kind of thing _a lot,_ and in fact had spent several hundred years doing mostly this in the cold of the Cage, it had felt like Michael's entire mind had shut down and reset. His entire self had sparked with sensation, and he'd frozen, torn between leaning into the feeling and jumping away. It had only been the desire to not distress Adam that had resolved that debate.

It was _weird._ Why now? Why this?

Michael was barely familiar with feelings as a whole, and even less familiar with a body that issued _commands._ It was a weird dual sensation, like there was the human, whose body it was, and then something else underneath, something that had sharp teeth and screamed for things in a voice that couldn't be ignored. Adam didn't mind it, was used to it, born to it, _enjoyed_ it even, but Michael still found it a little disquieting.

This wasn't like that, at least not exactly. Whatever this voice was asking for, he could ignore its commands; whatever this was, it wasn't a need like hunger or thirst. But he didn't know what it was that it _did_ want, nor its source; it was a mess of feeling and desire that made him feel dizzy and well, scared. Not for himself - the pins and needles overexposed feeling had some of the shape of pain, but pain that he didn't want to move away from, pain that didn't hurt - but even if it had, Michael didn't fear pain. It was only that it was centered on _Adam_ that was making him feel so jittery, so nervous, so determined to file this away into the depths of his Grace and not touch it again for the rest of forever. Surely he could keep Adam from noticing that anything weird or unusual had ever happened with Michael at all. Surely he could do that.

—

(Early in their, uh, cohabitation Michael had asked Adam about sex. He did know what it was, and he knew humans did it fairly often, and he wasn't _enthusiastic_ about the concept but if Adam wanted to, that would be fine. He was already hiding away from their senses when Adam ate, surely this wouldn't be any more trouble.

Adam had waved it off. "No, it's fine," he'd said lightly. "I'm not really interested in anyone else, anyway."

If Adam had changed his mind, or if Michael had understood what Adam had meant, Michael might not have been so confused right now.)

—

Self-control was proving to be a little bit tricky.

Not to not follow those wants - for one thing, he didn't know what it was or what it was asking for, which meant following the feeling would have been hard even if it wasn't making him terribly anxious to even think about the fact that he was feeling these things. He only had to think that whatever this was could lead him to hurt Adam, and then it was the easiest thing in the world to ignore.

No, the tricky part was keeping _Adam_ from noticing.

It was hard to not jump when Adam brushed his thumb across his knuckles, when he leaned his head on his shoulder, when Adam laughed at something he said or fell asleep by him, trusting Michael to keep him safe ( _Adam_ trusted _him_ to keep him safe, Adam, who trusted about as easily as he could have learned to fly on his own. It still sounded like something from a dream.). It was hard to hide the way his Grace fluttered and sparked, the way his nerves (when he was the one using them) hummed at any contact. He was usually rather good at holding himself apart from the body's sensations if he felt like it, but they were getting increasingly hard to ignore. The heart would race, no matter what Michael felt about it.

It was maddening and weird and he didn't even know enough about it was to address it. He didn't _understand._ Was it like this for humans? To deal with things that they could only barely comprehend? If it was, then he felt more sympathy with them. This was so _strange._

And it was only from Adam. It was only Adam's touch that caused this, only Adam's company and - he didn't even know enough about this to put a name to this fear. What if, what if, what if.

Unfortunately, Adam was a little more observant than Michael had given him credit for.

"I was wondering," Adam said quietly, as they were sitting together on a cliff somewhere in Scandinavia, watching the Northern Lights dance overhead. The _aurora borealis_ hadn't actually been intentional; he hadn't known that particles from space would do that and then it had. Even back then, even when he hadn't wanted to admit it, he had thought the Lights were beautiful. They were some of the few things that he thought were beautiful besides Adam, and stars.

He looked over. "Yes?"

Adam wasn't looking at him. His eyes were focused on the sky, and Michael caught the twist and discordant hum of worry from his soul. "Are you okay?"

Michael stiffened. It was remarkable how fast his Grace started to buzz with nerves, the edges of his apparition blurring before he got his grip back on it. "I - yes. Why do you ask?" _No, no, he couldn't_ know -

Adam looked at him then, brow furrowed, mouth twisted unhappily. "You've been acting differently the past few weeks," he said quietly. "Is anything wrong? Can I help?" He leaned forward. His eyes looked so dark outside at night like this, like dark pools reflecting light. There was a smattering of freckles across his nose, little dots hard to see unless he was close like this, he was _so close_ and _so warm…_

Michael leaned back, trying in vain to keep his Grace from fluttering so madly. _"_ I'm fine."

Adam sighed, leaning back. "Michael, I can tell something's up." His voice was gentle, but firm. "I can _feel_ it. Did I -" he faltered, his eyes big and round. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No!" Michael flinched, and lowered his voice. "No, you didn't do anything, it's -" _me, it's my fault, something is wrong with me and I don't know what it is and I can't, I can't risk hurting you, I don't know what it is I don't_ know - He forced those thoughts down so Adam couldn't hear.

"I don't know," he said eventually. "It's…it's complicated."

Adam's eyes were wide and concerned. Michael wanted to pull him close, hold him against him - but was that him, or was that - he pressed his hands against the stone underneath him.

"Can I do anything?" Adam asked. "Can I help you?" _I love you,_ his soul hummed, a warm song like liquid sunlight. _I love you let me help let me help I want you to be happy I love you._

Michael heard it and he couldn't help but smile, his Grace fluttering. His worries suddenly seemed farther off, less important. "I don't know," he admitted. "It's okay. It's not your fault, don't worry about it."

Adam snorted. "I can't not worry about you," he told him. "You're my…" His voice trailed off. Instead, he reached out and took Michael's hand, his thin fingers curling around Michael's wrist.

Michael understood. It wasn't like he'd found a good word, in English or Enochian or any other language in the universe, for exactly how he felt about Adam either. "It's okay," he repeated. "I can deal with it." _Whatever it is._

Adam breathed out a long sigh. "Remember, you can tell me," he said quietly, and swiped his thumb over where Michael's pulse-point would have been, if he was human.

That roiling strangeness raised its head, but Michael ignored it. He moved his hand so he could interlock his fingers with Adam's. They sat together, and watched the lights above.

—

It was a little less scary after that.

It was still scary, of course, but it was nice to have Adam…well, if nothing else, know that whatever this problem was, it wasn't his fault. Michael couldn't have born it if Adam had felt guilty over something that was just Michael's fault. It wasn't Adam's responsibility to unpick these snarls for him, especially not when these snarls wanted something from him. Michael would _never_ risk…whatever might come from this.

But at least he didn't have to pretend he was feeling nothing at all, anymore. Even if he didn't want Adam to see the details, at least he didn't have to pretend that he wasn't feeling anything at all. He'd had quite enough of that, if he was to be honest.

Adam didn't really press after that. The careful way he spoke to Michael, the way he watched him out of the corner of his eye when he though Michael wasn't looking, was just - well, it was sweet. He _knew_ Michael was strong, was powerful and _extremely_ hard to hurt, but he still worried about him and wanted to take care of him. It was a little embarrassing, and he didn't like to worry Adam, but really - it was so sweet. He didn't _have_ to be gentle, but he was. He was so sweet.

It was just one of the many reasons that Michael was not going to risk hurting him with whatever this was.

They'd found a hotel for the night to sleep in - Adam didn't always want to sleep through nights, often preferred to just go somewhere it was day, but he did like sleeping and so they made sure to find nice hotels for him to rest. Michael liked sleeping too, but cared less about the place it was in - it wasn't like he really got uncomfortable if what he was resting on was too hard, after all.

This place was nice without being super ostentatious; Michael busied himself with looking at the colorful wall art while Adam got a room (their money wasn't fake. It also wasn't technically theirs, but there were many people who had far too much, anyway). Human art was interesting to look at; he always wondered what an artist was trying to say. In the case of this painting, it might have been "I like willow trees", but hey, Ariel had worked hard on those.

The room was comfortable spacious, and the bed wide and soft; Adam collapsed onto it with a sigh. "Oh, this is nice," he groaned. "Michael, we should come here again."

"Is it?" That now-familiar, if irritating and frightening rush returned, as he watched Adam lay back on the bed, his head leaned back to expose the column of his throat. Michael swallowed and pushed at those feelings. _Back. Not now._ "You don't like most hotel beds."

"That's because most of them suck. This is nice though. Oh look, it doesn't even squeak!" He bounced up and down a bit to demonstrate, and then yawned. "Oh, wow, I'm sleepy. Can you wake me up before the staff come in?"

"Of course." He watched Adam grin and start to kick off his shoes, and couldn't resist adding, "I could always just tell them to go away instead if you'd like, though. A little _LEAVE ME ALONE_ would do the trick."

He had far too much control to let something like dropping into his true voice for a moment damage the room. Worst thing that happened was the building shook a bit. That didn't explain why, when he looked back down, Adam was staring at him open-mouthed, his eyes very, very wide.

"Adam?" Michael shifted, uncertain. Adam had heard his true voice before, but it had been a while. Was he scared? "You okay?"

Adam's pupils were blown, reducing his irises to a tiny ring of blue. His cheeks were stained red. After a moment, he shook himself and smiled. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Please don't scare the hotel workers though, I don't think we could leave a big enough tip to deal with that."

"Oh well, if you insist," Michael huffed, and smiled when Adam laughed.

Adam kicked his sneaker off, tossed his jacket into a corner of the room, and crawled underneath the covers. He was moving a little oddly but didn't seem to be in pain, so Michael decided to ignore it. He got under the blankets very quickly, shifting around until he found a comfortable position.

"Thanks for this," he murmured. "I know it's not the most interesting."

"It's either time to read or sleep with you," Michael shrugged, and was distracted enough he didn't notice the expression that flitted across Adam's face. "I don't mind. Sleep well."

"I will," Adam said warmly. He rolled over, and dropped into sleep in the next few minutes - after twelve hundred years of dreaming, it was staying conscious that could be the challenge. Michael felt the wash of calm that signified sleep overtake him - they didn't have to sleep at the same time, but being awake when the other wasn't led to feeling a little bit dizzy and leaden-limbed if they weren't paying attention. Michael reached over and brushed Adam's hair out of his eyes - but that strange electric hum returned, and he yanked his hand back.

Maybe he should just read.

Unfortunately, he found it difficult to focus. He read a page four times before it dawned on him he'd understood none of it. At that point, he sighed and sent the book away (back to their cabin, an abandoned cabin they had commandeered as less of a home than a storage space. It had a bed too, but Adam liked exploring different hotels).

Adam's breathing was a little fast, but the hum from his soul didn't match _nightmare._ Michael tilted his head, regarding him curiously.

Well, it's not like he wasn't permitted in Adam's dreams. He just didn't like the ones that weren't lucid; they felt a lot like being drugged, like the hallucinations he'd had down in the Cage. It was impossible to not get swept up in the feeling of them. The sheer mad unrealness of them had been a shock the first time he'd seen a real dream - _this? Every night? How do you not go mad?_

The hum from Adam's soul increased, a strange song he didn't remember hearing from Adam before. It didn't have the discordance of nightmare, but…hm. Maybe he should check? Just to make sure that Adam was alright, even if he wasn't frightened?

Just for a moment.

He stepped over and laid two fingers on Adam's forehead, and the world fell away.

—

 _Adam was laying on a bed, and he was so so_ lonely. _He ran a hand down his ribcage, feeling his heart hammer against his ribs (he didn't bother to wonder where his jacket and shirt went). It felt nice, so he did it again, running his nails down his skin, but it wasn't enough. He was still so lonely. Shouldn't these be someone else's hands?_

_Everything was hot and still and strange. Adam took a deep breath and the air was hot and thick on his tongue. He reached a hand downwards, scratching over his nipples, but he was still alone and that was wrong. He was never alone, wasn_ _'t supposed to be alone, he felt so lonely, so empty. He moaned softly, aching at the loss. He should come back, fill him back up…_

_A shift in the space. Adam looked up, and smiled. There he was. Here when Adam needed him, just like always._

_Adam reached for him, begging, pleading, although he didn_ _'t know if he spoke or not. Come here, please, fill me up -_

_\- Something was wrong. He had taken a step back instead, his eyes wide and filled with - shock? But what was there to be shocked about? What was -_ Michael? What's going on -

The dream cracked.

—

Adam bolt upright, his eyes wide. " _Michael?_ Was that you?"

Michael, from where he was leaning against the wall, didn't answer. His head was spinning, as months of anxiety replayed themselves in front of his eyes with new context, but more than that, as his Grace buzzed with heat, with sticky, clinging desire for _that? THAT'S what it was? How, he couldn't he'd never, how was this_ possible _what in the world -_

His apparition was sparking, coming apart at the edges but he just couldn't focus, not with that image in his mind, the image of Adam sprawled out in front of him naked and begging for him to -

to -

"Michael?" Adam's hair was mussed with sleep, his face red and his eyes wide and worried, and Michael just _couldn't -_

For one of the first times in his life, Archangel Michael ran away. The depths of their mind was a dark, warm place. Michael vanished his apparition and ran away, down into the dark where nothing could see him at all.

—

When he eventually stirred, Adam was sitting at the room's desk, drinking a glass of water. He had put his jacket back on, and he had that pleasant clean feeling that meant he had showered while Michael was gone. Michael felt the change in his awareness when he noticed him.

"Welcome back," he said quietly.

Michael considered making an apparition again, but it seemed for once like far too much effort. He didn't push against Adam's soul, but he told him that he was sorry for running away.

"I don't blame you. I guess it was a shock, huh."

Michael said that maybe he should have been braver.

"And done what, exactly?"

Michael was silent.

"Mmm." Adam took another sip of water.

Michael asked if maybe they could forget that this entire thing had happened.

"Not a chance, buddy."

Michael grumbled, pulling back a little further into the dark, but he supposed that was only to be expected.

"We don't have to talk about it right now, though," Adam offered. "Let's turn our keycard back in and go back to the cabin, maybe?"

The cabin was a storage space, but it was also _their_ space. It was warded to Hell and back, enough that the air around it was distorted like glass. Michael felt as safe there as he felt anywhere. If they had to talk about this, that would be as good a place as any, he said.

"Cool." Adam finished his water. Michael hovered silent, just beneath the surface of their skin as Adam put his shoes back on, left a tip on the desk, and went to return their keycard.

He couldn't put a good name to the feeling between them. He couldn't hear any anger or disgust at him, which was fortunate, but neither was the mood calm. It felt charged, bright with static, like the air during a summer storm.

He didn't even move as Adam pulled on his wings, on the pathways between places. Adam had gotten better at flying recently, his ability to pull on Michael's powers getting stronger and stronger. Michael felt this was only fair, since he could manipulate Adam's body and all.

His control was getting more precise, too. He managed to land them right in front of the door to their cabin instead of in South Africa or something. Neither of them said a word as they walked inside.

Adam quietly locked the door behind him, kicked off his sneakers, and went to their bedroom. There was little in it but the bed - they weren't often here long enough to accumulate decorations for their bedroom. The only one in it was a painting of a star, in a sky free of any others, light swirling together.

It was Michael's. The first painting he'd ever made. It hadn't looked like his memories of the first star - but it had looked like what those memories felt like, so perhaps that was enough.

Adam shut the door behind them and sat down on their bed.

"Come out, please," he said quietly.

Michael sighed and complied. Adam didn't even blink as his apparition took form next to him.

Michael looked at him nervously, but he really didn't seem angry or scared or disgusted, or anything like that. His gaze was calm, with only a hint of worry.

He wouldn't have been able to tell that just from looking once.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Adam asked. His voice seemed very loud in the warm, still air of their bedroom.

Michael swallowed. "I'm…" His voice trailed off. He took a deep breath, and waited until he'd reorganized his thoughts to speak. "I didn't know what you were dreaming, so I checked on you. I wanted to make sure you were okay." He valiantly pushed away the memories of that dream, Adam laid back before him, head thrown back, moaning -

"Oh, I was fine," Adam said wryly. "Thank you for checking, though. Can you tell me why you ran off?" His gaze was very piercing. "It didn't seem like you were grossed out, or anything like that."

Michael didn't answer until he was sure he could keep his apparition together. "I was…surprised."

"Because I was having a dream about you?"

"No - well, _yes -"_ But what that might mean felt too large for Michael to get his thoughts around, so he pushed on. "I was…" he gave up. "Can I just show you?" It was easier than trying to figure out how to phrase it, when the very thought of it, what he'd been feeling, still seemed barely real.

Adam snorted. "Go ahead."

Michael reached over and placed two fingers on Adam's temple and _showed_ him - the night he'd noticed that strange pull, the way his whole body had seemed lit up and alive when Adam had touched him, the confusion he'd felt, the way he'd wanted to pull Adam to him in a way that he never had before, the way he'd shied away from it, not understanding the shape of the heady rush, the heat that had hummed through him.

When he pulled his hand back, Adam was breathing hard, his pupils so wide his irises were hard to see. He swayed towards Michael, before seeming to catch himself and pulling back.

"That's…" he laughed, and swiped at his face. " _That's_ why you were being so weird? Because you wanted to…" He looked at Michael and shivered, before taking a deep breath and refocusing. "I don't know what I was expecting, but that wasn't it, I promise."

Michael, in the interest of not giving himself too much to focus on at once, decided to ignore that expression. He sighed and let himself fall backwards onto the bed, pressing his palms into his eyes. "I didn't either, trust me."

Adam hesitated, before crawling closer, laying down on his side next to Michael. "You didn't know what it was? At all?"

"Not a clue. I've never felt anything of the _sort_ before - is that standard?" He removed his hands so he could look at Adam's face. "For humans?" He was going to feel bad about looking down on humans for doing it so often if _that's_ what the desire felt like. Suddenly he understood.

Adam's expression was odd. There was something dark in how he was looking at Michael, something hungry lurking behind his gaze as he answered, voice a little hoarse, "Not always. Not with everyone. But yes - similar." He hesitated, and asked, "Why didn't you want me to know?"

Michael sighed. "I _didn't know._ It was just so strange, and I _wanted_ but I didn't know what it was. I just knew that it was centered on you, and I just…I didn't want to risk hurting, or upsetting you. I didn't want to risk it."

"That makes sense," Adam allowed. He poked Michael's side. "For the record? I feel more upset knowing that you're going through something and I can't do anything about it, or that you're going through something and _hiding_ it from me. Does that make sense? I want to know, even if it's weird or uncomfortable." He pulled the barriers between them down enough that Michael could hear truth ringing behind his words like a tolling bell.

"I - okay. I will." Michael took a deep breath. "It was just scary. I didn't know what I was feeling." He sighed, and pushed his palms against his eyes again. "I still don't know _why._ Why now? Why this?"

Adam sat up and traced a pattern idly on Michael's arm. "You've never felt anything like this at all before? Have other angels?"

Michael winced. "Oh yes. Definitely. They…" Michael hesitated. "I don't think it was the same, though. Not just concentrated on one person. I…" He winced again, remembering. "I didn't understand, at the time." Sorrow welled up, like pus from a wound. So many mistakes. So much needless destruction.

Adam's hand on his chest pulled him back into the moment. "So this is the first time you've ever experienced anything like this. I can see why it was upsetting." His voice shifted to sound a little flustered and giddy as he added, "I'm flattered I'm your first, though!"

Something in Michael untwisted at the casual acceptance. "If it was going to happen, of course it would be you." He placed a hand over Adam's. "You're precious to me."

The blush on Adam's face intensified, and he ducked his head. Michael grinned, despite himself.

"You're precious to me too," Adam said softly, before he regained his equilibrium. "So when you saw my dream, you…realized what you'd been feeling?"

Michael couldn't blush in his apparition, but he felt his Grace flutter and tried in vain to control himself. "I…yes." He gathered his courage, and spoke. "Do you have thoughts about…that…and me…often?"

Adam was still blushing, but a mischievous glint entered his eyes. He reached out and trailed his fingertips along the line of Michael's jaw, and it was like the air had gone out of the room. "It's not the first one, I'll put it like that."

Michael tried to focus enough to talk and hold his apparition together. He pressed his hands into the soft fabric of their blankets. "Really?" He said, a bit helplessly. "Me? I don't exactly look like a human."

"This feels like a remix of when you confessed to me." Adam didn't take his hand off Michael's face. His fingertips were light as a butterfly's feet. "Why _not_ you? You have everything else of me. Why not this, too? I don't care that you don't look like a human - you're _not_ a human. You're you."

Michael took a shaky breath, trying to ground himself. He still didn't know how to react when Adam said stuff like that. It made his head spin. He settled for pushing his feelings of love and overwhelmed ness at Adam and saying, "I - when did this start for you, then?"

Adam's expression turned embarrassed. "Um. Well."

"Adam?"

"It was…" Adam told him.

"You've wanted to have sex with me since _the Green Room?"_

 _"_ Not the _whole time!"_ Adam seemed to be struggling to look him in the eye. "It left and came back. Look, it was just…you were there, with all the…the light, and the wings and eyes, and you were so _big…_ it was a lot to take in, okay, I'd only ever been into like, two girls and one guy before."

Michael tried to understand this, but it seemed like a slippery kind of knowledge. It kept falling out of his grasp. "Too many shocks today," he muttered.

Adam hesitated, then leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on Michael's forehead. "We don't have to do anything with this today," he said, voice tender. "We can just read, or go back to sleep, or do anything you want. We don't have to do anything with this ever, even, if you don't want to. Although -" He smiled, a quick flash. "I'm pretty sure you do?"

Michael considered this. He did, but - "Not yet. I want to think about it more, first." He hesitated, and held out his arms. "C'mere?"

Adam went, and Michael pulled him on top of him, wrapping his arms around him. Adam tucked his head into Michael's neck. His soul reached for him as well, and Michael pulled that close too, so they were wound together inside and out.

Adam sighed deeply, leaning into Michael and pressing a kiss underneath his ear. "Missed this," he murmured. "Talk to me next time, okay?"

Michael ran his hands through Adam's hair. He had as well - he'd been scared to touch him very much, frightened of what his feelings could mean. As always, holding Adam, feeling his heart's steady beat, the pulse of his soul like holding the sun, was soothing. He could feel the last few knots in himself unwind. Adam was here. Adam would always be here. "Are you anticipating a next time?"

" _Michael."_

 _"_ Alright, I know what you mean. I will. I promise."

"Good."

When sleep came, it came quiet as a cat.

—

They didn't act on it that morning, or the next.

They didn't really talk about it either, but it didn't feel like they had to. They didn't leave their cabin, instead curling up next to each other on their couch to watch movies that were definitely legally theirs, but it was like there was an extra tint to their interactions now. Michael caught the way Adam looked at him, the way touches seemed to linger like it was a pain to _not_ be touching Michael, and wondered how he had managed to not notice before.

For his part, these feelings weren't so unpleasant at all, now that he knew what they were. Michael felt the warm buzz as Adam leaned against him, when he tilted his head just so to expose his throat, when he tangled their fingers together, but it wasn't anywhere near so scary, now that he knew. Or if it was scary, it was a good scary. Having his wings grafted on after the sky had been made had hurt terribly, the greatest pain he'd felt until the Cage, but flight had been a radiant joy. Terrifying, but in a way that made him feel more alive than he usually did.

It was reassuring to some part of him he hadn't realized needed the reassurance that now that this nonsense was over, they seemed much the same as always. Of course they wouldn't, he reasoned, they'd both had these feelings for so long now. But still, it was nice to see that this wasn't a monumental change, simply a different element.

Michael thought about it quietly, as they watched a movie ( _Frozen 2,_ it was called - it was alright, even if the part where the red-haired girl had dragged herself out of the dark, singing about how the only thing you could do was the next right thing, had struck a little closer to home than either of them had been prepared for). He roughly knew how sex worked. It had always seemed mostly messy, more than anything else. Messy and strange and undignified. He'd never understood why anyone, angel or not, would want to do it, but he did know how it worked.

But then, he also knew what was edible for humans, and that had turned out to not be the same thing as understanding different cuisines _at all,_ so who knows what they'd all come up with in the days since the original Adam and Eve? They'd never been that creative in the first place, anyway. Who knew what there was that Adam might know about? Not he.

But he wanted to.

It was for this reason, around two days after they'd returned to the cabin, in the middle of a movie that Michael could barely remember the title of, Michael placed a hand on Adam's knee. When Adam looked over, Michael crawled forward, slinging one leg over him so he was straddling Adam's waist. He placed his hands on the couch on either side of Adam's head and looked at him.

Adam, blessedly, understood immediately. "Are you sure?" He asked, hands coming up to rest on Michael's waist. Michael heard how his breathing changed, becoming heavier. His eyes were so wide, and so dark.

"I'm sure." Michael took a deep breath. "I don't really know how this is going to work, though. I guess you'll have to show me." He leaned forward so his mouth was to Adam's ear, and whispered, "Be my guide?"

Adam gasped, a short, sharp intake of breath. Then he grinned, eager and hungry. "Of course."

—

They ended up back in the bedroom. Much to Michael's surprise, Adam asked him to dispel his apparition.

"I just think it would be easier, since you've never done anything like this at all before," Adam explained as he leaned back against the headboard. "Like, it might be better to get you used to the feeling before we do anything complicated."

" _I guess that makes sense."_ Michael was about as close to the surface as he could be without taking control. Every nerve they had seemed to be lit up and on edge with anticipation. Every brush of fabric scraped against their skin. " _Is it always so -"_

 _"_ First time is usually kind of a lot, but I think you're still nervous, mostly." Adam answered. They were clad only in their jeans and a t-shirt, being yet to undress. Michael knew what Adam's body looked like, but somehow he found himself oddly excited to see him again.

 _"I'm not_ nervous." Well, maybe a little - this was something new, and he was going into it so quickly. There was just so much already - the pulse of blood through their veins, the scratch of the blankets, the stretch of their ribcage as they breathed. How much more would this feel as they continued?

"Hey." Adam placed a hand on his chest. "Breathe."

He sucked in a deep, slow breath. And again, and again. Their lungs opened and closed, their heart slowed - and like this it was their heart, their lungs. He almost never had so much connection to their body - when he was in control, he held himself away from the rush of sensation it contained. They were so close right then, wound together in blood and bone. How did humans deal with these bodies, with all their demands and feelings?

"Practice," Adam murmured. "Breathe."

In and out, in and out. It was always calming, but it seemed more so, like this. He felt it as their body drank in the air, signals firing as the snarling thing that lived in the back of the brain understood there was no danger, nothing to fear. It quieted, and Michael felt a little more still.

" _What are we going to do now?"_ He asked.

"Not a lot. Just touching." Adam ran a hand down their side. Michael jumped at the contact, at the pin-and-needles intensity of it all.

"Relax…" Adam continued to run his hand up and down their side, a steady rhythm. "Just think of this like a taster. Like a sample."

Michael snorted. " _A sample? Like this is an ice cream store?"_

"Yep! So you can see if you like it or not." Adam hadn't even taken their shirt off yet, and yet his hands felt like they were leaving trails of fire on their skin. Michael sighed, leaning into the sensation.

Adam made a satisfied noise. "There we go. Just let me touch you."

" _Are you enjoying this?"_ Was this so much for Adam too? He'd done this before, it couldn't be so new. Was he enjoying just touching him like this?

Adam laughed. It had a different note to it than usual, a little darker. Something about it made Michael's blood heat. "Even if I _hadn't_ been dreaming of getting you like this for forever…I can feel how much you like this already. Trust me, I'm enjoying this plenty." He paused, before adding, voice a little sly, "I've got plans for what else we can do, anyway."

He punctuated this statement with a memory - one of him, his head thrown back, mouth open, his cock pushing through his fingers in a hot slide.

Michael jumped. " _Oh, you -"_ He paused before laughing, " _Don't tease me!"_ It wasn't just the sight of Adam like that, but the way it made their blood run hot, rushing downwards. How did humans have so many disparate parts?

He'd been going for a reprimand, but his voice came out shockingly breathless, almost a whine. He'd never sounded anything like that before. He sounded so _desperate._

And why did that only make him feel even hotter?

A soft sound escaped Adam's mouth, accompanied by a little shudder, before he smiled. "But you like it, I can tell. You _like_ me teasing you."

" _It's not fair_ ," Michael grumbled, " _I don't know enough about this to tease you back, yet."_ Yet.

Adam grinned. "I have total faith in your ability to come up with suitable retribution in the future." He didn't quite manage to sound cool, a shiver running through him at the thought. Michael noticed and grinned. Somehow this seemed easier to manage, if they were both kind of overwhelmed.

"Hey, how could I _not_ be." Adam wasn't breathing that hard, and his voice wasn't that strained, but there was the distinct impression that that was because Adam's voice was firmly under his control. What would it sound like, to hear his control come apart? "It's _you."_

" _Me?"_ All of Michael's thoughts felt hazy and indistinct.

Adam slipped his hands underneath his shirt, pressing his palms against his stomach. Michael made a quiet noise before he could stop himself. Human perception technically had less information than angel perception, but it was so _immediate._ No wonder humans were the way they were.

"Yes, you," and Adam's voice was warm and aching and fond. His hands were hot against their skin.

" _I - I don't know why I would make this more overwhelming than normal."_

 _"_ Oh, don't you?" Adam wasn't moving his hands off his torso, or doing much more than running them up and down their body with gentle caresses. That was for him, Michael saw. He was accustoming Michael to soft touch, to the feeling of hands on his skin. Michael thought he could feel every callus on Adam's palms. "Want me to tell you?"

" _I -"_ Michael twisted. " _Can't you just -"_

 _"_ Oh no, of course not, I would never assume." Adam was grinning, horrible evil tease that he was. "If you want something, you have to ask for it."

The word Michael said was in Enochian, and would have made Gabriel burst out laughing to hear from his stoic elder brother and Raphael be appalled. " _You're the_ worst," Michael muttered without heat. He breathed out, slowly. " _Fine. I…please tell me why you're enjoying this with me more. And please -"_ he fought in vain to keep the heat out of his voice "- _keep going."_

 _"_ Oh, of course. Anything for you," Adam said sweetly, the little snake. He laughed at Michael's thoughts and continued, "Where should I start?"

"How about when I saw you for the first time?" His hands traveled up their body. Michael wanted to move, writhe, do _\- something,_ but…Adam had asked him to just lay back and lean into it and let himself be touched. He could just relax and let Adam make him feel - well, probably good, this certainly felt good so far. He didn't have to do anything but enjoy this.

What a novel idea.

"You don't even know what that was like," Adam continued, his hands moving farther up their chest. "I'd met _other_ angels, obviously, but they weren't like _you._ There was all this light and then you were there, so _big_ and so _beautiful…_ like a star come down to see me. You're so _gorgeous,"_ and his words ended on a slight whimper as his fingers brushed against his nipples. He tugged on them, and both of them moaned at once, their vocal cords stinging as both their voices left their mouth at the same time.

"You like that?" Adam said breathlessly.

" _It's - how can something hurt and not hurt at the same time?"_ Michael tried to focus. " _Yes, do it again, please -"_

Adam tugged on them again, and made a noise halfway between a laugh and a whine as Michael moaned. Their jeans had a noticeable tent in them, the fabric scraping against them _almost_ too much, but Adam ignored it. He kept up the pressure and caresses as he continued to talk. "I had like, _just_ figured out that I could be into guys too when I saw you. All that fire and wheels of light and wings like a sunset…you're so _hot."_

_"_ _Because of the fire."_

Adam burst into peals of laughter. "Sure, that too!"

" _No one's called me beautiful before,"_ Michael admitted, feeling absurdly shy. " _Not like you do, anyway. It's - it's nice."_

 _"_ Really? No one?" Adam sounded honestly surprised. "But you're _so_ beautiful. You're so wonderful and so _good…"_ His voice trailed off into an aroused gasp as he pulled on their nipples again, hips jerking involuntarily. "It feels so good to have you in me, I never want you to leave."

That all hit so squarely on Michael's id he could do nothing but keen, Grace sparking and buzzing through their veins like fire. He could feel his own pleasure but he could also feel Adam's, tangled and impossible to separate like the Gordian knot. " _I don't plan on it,"_ he gasped when his thoughts seemed like actual words again. " _I love you, I'd never - you're not getting rid of me anytime soon."_

Adam laughed giddily and moved his hands down their body, down to the v of their hips. Adam scratched his nails over their hipbone and asked, "Still alright?"

" _Absolutely."_ This was definitely turning out as one of Michael's rare good decisions.

Adam didn't bother with unzipping their jeans, instead shoving them down their hips and letting their cock free. Michael gasped at the sudden release of pressure. He could feel every whisper of air against them. " _Please -"_ Just like flying for the first time, he thought wildly. Intense and a little frightening but why would you ever stop?

He heard Adam catch that thought, but Adam didn't bother pulling enough brain cells together to reply. Their heart hammering against their ribcage, Adam wrapped a hand around their cock.

Immediately they both cried out, voices spilling from their mouth at the same time. The wave of pleasure and release was so intense it was almost painful - if Michael hadn't been who he was, he definitely would have broken the lights in their room. Adam threw his head back, gasping.

"I haven't done this in twelve hundred years." His voice was softer like this somehow, light and a little dizzy. Michael was suddenly struck with how much he wanted to hear him keep going, hear his voice break as he moaned, feel how his soul sang as he came -

Adam let out a broken keen, his eyes fluttering. "Next time we're trying this with your apparition," he breathed.

 _Fuck me,_ his thoughts went. _I love you fuck me make me feel good please -_

Michael moaned. " _I'm going to make you forget your own name,"_ he promised. " _Please, please keep going -"_

Adam moaned and complied. He raised a hand to their mouth and licked across their palm, before wrapping his hand back around their cock and starting to stroke, a tight, steady rhythm. He twisted his hand at the top, digging a thumb into the slit and making pre-come bead out around their fingers. "I - _oh,_ this is -"

Michael couldn't seem to _stop_ making noise. He'd never felt like this, so painfully, maddeningly physical, so connected to Adam. His Grace flutters in time to the pulsing of his heart, their breath stuttering as they try to gasp at the same time. Everything is heat, and sweat, and their cock slipping slick between the circle of their fingers. " _Adam, please, more -"_

Adam's only answer was a long, aching moan. He picked up the pace, hard and fast enough to dance on the edge of pain. It was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began, where Grace stopped and blood started. "Michael, Michael _-"_

For the first time, Michael took back some control. Adam's free hand had been fisted in the sheets - he took it and moved it up, back to their chest and tried to copy what Adam had been doing, tugging and twisting on their nipples as lightning sang down their spine.

That made them both cry out, as the heat that pooled in the pit of their stomach grew and spiked like a wildfire. They were building towards something, Michael knew, something he knew clinically but had never _-_ he'd never known anything like this, before _Adam -_

 _-_ far too overwhelmed to make his apparition, he wrapped his Grace around Adam's soul in something that if they'd been in separate bodies, would have been a long, sweet kiss. Adam moaned, returning the gesture enthusiastically. He ran his nails lightly up his cock and dug his fingers into the slit again and that was it. For a moment, their mingled being was all light and sensation, all lines between them melted away in the heat.

Michael, for whatever reason, was the one who came back to himself a little sooner. They were gasping, sucking in great lungfuls of air without seeming to think about it; their hand was sticky, and their clothes (which they hadn't been able to focus long enough to remove) were sweat-stained and sticking to their body.

Michael vanished the mess, vanished their clothes to a corner of the room, and then collapsed back into their shared mind, letting Adam have main control again.

For a while they just lay there, basking in the warm, aching languidity. The air felt golden and slow, like molten honey.

Adam was the first one to speak.

"So," he said. "How many stars would you give that?"

Michael was never so glad of telekinesis as he was in this moment. Adam sputtered indignantly as one of their pillows hit him in the face. "Hey!"

" _No talking."_

Laughing, Adam subsided. He pulled the blankets over them, relaxing into their bed.

Eventually, Michael spoke. " _I used to look down on humans, for their obsession with doing this."_

 _"_ Yeah?"

" _I feel like I owe them an apology."_

Adam giggled. "No, I get it. It probably seems pretty weird from the outside, especially if you've never wanted to do anything with anyone before me."

" _Still."_ Michael hugged Adam's soul close. " _That was…intense."_

 _"_ Sure was. You liked it, though?"

" _I did. I felt very close to you…among other things, obviously. Is it that intense for humans, too?"_

Adam shrugged, shifting around under the blankets until he found a better position. "I don't remember, honestly. It's been a while. I've probably forgotten a bunch of stuff people have come up with to do."

" _Sounds like we have research to do for next time, then."_

Despite himself, Adam shivered and then laughed. "I can't wait."

" _Me too."_

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact this got rewritten twice. anyway demi Michael for the win. 
> 
> @ Thea: thank you for helping me plot this again/being my enabler for stuff like this


End file.
